


Ikea Nightmare

by meangreenlimabean



Category: Supernatural, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Biting, Extremely Dubious Consent, F/M, Fuck Or Die, Funeral Home, IKEA Furniture, M/M, Mpreg, Multi, Other, Panties Gag, Wing Kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-01
Updated: 2016-04-01
Packaged: 2018-05-30 13:32:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6425923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meangreenlimabean/pseuds/meangreenlimabean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean & Cas are out to destroy a cursed object but something goes wrong. They end up lost in an Ikea store after hours and Dean finds himself stuck in a loop of hallucinations and weirdness. Is any of this real? Why do they all want to have sex with him? Will he figure it out and find Cas in time?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ikea Nightmare

Dean thought it would be an ordinary hunt. An easy smash and grab. But he’d been waiting out back of this Ikea store for over an hour, and Cas was nowhere in sight. He was starting to get nervous.

They had cased the store during the day, found exactly where the cursed dresser was that needed destroyed. Then they waited until the last employee had gone home for the night. Dean had picked the lock at let Cas in, while he waited in the car as lookout.

If he went in now, only to find that Cas was perfectly fine, he would feel silly. He reminded himself that Castiel was still mostly an angel, and could handle this task just fine. Dean could practically hear Sam’s voice teasing him about having a massive crush on Cas. But he worried, all the same.

Cas should have been back by now.

Dean cursed under his breath and got out of the car. He’d have to go in after him. After shooting a quick text to Sam about the change of plans, he grabbed a shotgun from the trunk and headed inside.

The store was a maze. He’d walked the entire floor just a few hours ago, but now in the dark, everything looked different. Dean quickly realized he was lost. Hopelessly turned around. He wandered for another twenty minutes before he accepted the fact. With an angry bellow, he punched the nearest display wall. His fist left an indent in the thin wood.

“Ooh, better watch your temper!”

Dean spun around, weapon up. He sighed in relief as he saw it was just Cas. “Hey man. Where have you been?”

Cas gave him an odd grin. “I’ve been looking for you, Deano.”

His stomach dropped as he realized something was wrong. This was not his friend. Suddenly Dean’s hands were pinned behind his back. He struggled, but whatever had him was immovable. “What the hell?”

The thing wearing Castiel smirked at him. “Don’t bother, she’s too strong.”

He glared. “What did you do to Cas?”

“Oh, he’s in here, somewhere.” It attempted another smile, but the expression didn’t sit right. “Hang on, let me find him for you.” The thing’s eyes went distant for a moment. Dean waited, his heart racing.

As he stared, life came back into Castiel’s azure blue eyes. “Where am I?”

Dean tried to surge forward, but his wrists were held in a vice-like grip. “Cas?”

“Huh? No, it’s me. It’s Jimmy.”

“Who?” Dean frowned. “Oh, the vessel.”

Jimmy looked offended. “Excuse me? This was my body first, remember!”

“Right…” Dean clenched his jaw. “I wanna talk to Cas.” Jimmy just looked at him. Dean raised his voice. “I said I want to talk to Cas. Right now, you son of a bitch! If you’ve hurt him, I swear to God-”

“You forget, I am God now.” The cocky grin was back.

“What do you want?” Dean demanded coldly.

The insane smile grew wider. “You!” After a beat, the thing laughed. “Oh, don’t worry! You’re gonna enjoy this.” He stepped closer, taking off his cobalt blue tie.

“My turn?” a female voice said. Dean struggled to look, but now Cas, or the thing that looked like Cas, was on him, forcing Dean backwards. He flinched, closing his eyes. “Aw, Dean, don’t be such a wuss.”

Dean opened his eyes to see who was speaking. It was Becky Rosen, and she was hugely pregnant. She smiled coyly at him.

Cas backed up to stand next to her. “He looks good this way, doesn’t he?”

Dean struggled, only to find that he still couldn’t move his arms. He jerked and twisted, looking back at what was holding him. The cobalt blue tie was looped around his wrists and through the handles of a tall wooden armoire. He couldn’t go far without bringing the entire thing down on himself.

Becky giggled, one hand resting on her belly. “Well, I’ve always been more of a Sam girl, but I have to admit this is a pretty picture.”

Dean frowned at her in confusion “Becky, what’s going on? What are you doing with him?”

Her eyes grew wide. “Oh we’re not together-together. Dirty mind, Dean.” She rubbed her belly again. “This little guy is half vampire.” That’s how I was strong enough to pin you, Dean.”

He made a face. “Your baby is half vampire? What is this, friggin’ Twilight?”

Becky laughed. “I knew it! You did read the books!” She stepped closer, blocking his view of Cas. “My baby daddy is not just any vampire. He’s the Alpha.”

Dean felt his eyes widen. “Becky, what were you thinking? You’re gonna get yourself killed!”

“Me, killed? You’re one to talk.” She rolled her eyes. “Maybe you’re just jealous cause my boyfriend is tougher than yours.”

“Listen,” he said, his voice low. “You’re in over your head. Untie me, and we can help you. Me and Sam, we’ll keep you safe.”

She paused, considering his words. Then she bit her lip. “Always trying to scam your way out, Dean. Enough talking.” She bent forward, and Dean craned his neck to see. She was pulling her panties down over her feet. Then she stood, and balled the fabric in her hand. “Open up, chatty Cathy.”

He tried to clamp his teeth shut, but she was too strong. She forced his jaw open and shoved the panties, still warm, into his mouth. He could taste her in the back of his throat. He squeezed his eyes shut, telling himself to breathe slowly through his nose.

When he opened his eyes, Becky were gone. In her place stood a small woman with short blonde hair. It dawned on his that this was Meg, as they’d first seen her. He grunted around his gag.

“Ooh, Dean,” she shushed him, one hand on his cheek. “There’s so many things we never got to do.” She unbuckled his belt, and he gave her his most pissed off glare. She just grinned, and dropped to her knees.

Now he could see Cas again, sprawled out on the mattress of a display bed. A dark haired woman was straddling him. Cas turned and met his eyes. “Dean?” he said, his voice gravely. “You were supposed to wait in the car.”

Dean strained at his bindings. That was Cas, really Cas. His white shirt was unbuttoned and the woman was kissing up his exposed chest. Dean tried to yell, the sound muffled by the pink fabric in his mouth.

The woman turned and followed Cas’s gaze. She pushed her hair back to reveal her face. It was Lisa Braeden. She was wearing a silk robe that he had given her for her birthday the year they lived together. Lisa knew exactly what that robe did to Dean. At the same time as Meg was rubbing her hand over the bulge in his boxers, he watched as Lisa sank down onto Cas and started to ride him. Dean was torn between struggling to get free, and just giving in and letting this happen.

Just then Meg’s lips closed around his erection and sucked him down. He let his head fall back against the flat wood behind him, and watched through lidded eyes as Lisa rolled her hips against Cas. A moan escaped his chest at the sensation of Meg’s tongue on him. He realized, through the haze of pleasure, than someone else was on the bed, strong hands circled around Lisa’s waist, a dark head of hair bent forward to suck on her exposed neck.

Lisa arched her back, and Dean could see the man behind her. It was Cas. Another one? Dean shook his head, trying to clear the fog in his mind. Lisa moaned. “Yes, Cas, yes!”

He gave a soft bite on the arch of her shoulder. “It’s Jimmy,” he corrected.

Then Meg changed her pace and Dean gasped, almost sucking the panties down his throat. He wished his hands were free, not so he could push her away, but so he could grab her by her pixie cut and hold her in place. But as he looked down, he saw a cascade of red hair, and blinked in surprise. Anna Milton looked up at him. She withdrew, leaving him aching hard, and stood. A soft smile crossed her swollen lips as she pulled the gag out of his mouth. “What’s wrong, Dean?”

He stretched his stiff jaw, then found himself staring at her mouth, at a loss for words. She ran her hands down his chest, teasingly slow, then closed her fingers around his hard cock. As she went back to her knees, Dean saw that the scene before him had changed. The furniture displays were gone. It appeared to be the lobby of a classy Swiss ski resort. A young woman and a middle aged man were both reclined on a rug before the fireplace. They seemed familiar. Dean watched her raise a steaming mug to her lips. She was dressed in a simple white dress, and her brown hair fell in waves across her shoulders. The man propped himself up on his elbow to gaze at her. His eyes flashed yellow. Dean’s heart leapt into his throat; this was Azazel, and now Dean recognized the girl as Eve.

Cas was nowhere in sight, not any version of him. He jerked at the tie binding his wrists.

Suddenly a tall figure blocked his view. Dean jerked back so quickly that he whacked his head. His vision swam, but he was sure he saw his brother’s face. “Sammy,” he rasped. His tongue was dry from having Becky’s panties in his mouth so long. “Sammy,” he tried again. “We gotta get out of here, something’s wrong. It’s not safe, gotta go…”

“Shhh, Dean, just relax.” Sam’s big hand patted him on the arm.

Dean briefly worried what his little brother would think of seeing him getting a blow job from Anna. Then he wondered why Sam hadn’t seemed to notice. He squeezed his eyes shut until his vision came into focus. Sam turned and walked away, giving Dean full view of his crisp white suit.

A harsh sob came from Dean’s chest. He watched Sam- no, not Sammy, he reminded himself- Lucifer. He watched Lucifer slide between Eve and Azazel on the rug. Dean began to struggle in earnest against his bonds. Eve leaned up to kiss Sam, no, Lucifer, on the lips. Then she rolled over to set down her mug, and Lucifer turned to kiss Azazel. Dean felt his own mouth go dry as he watched the man’s rough, tan fingers bunch up in the sparkling white fabric of that suit, then reach up to brush Sam’s hair from his eyes. The two men turned to look at Dean. Lucifer’s eyes shone blue as Azazel’s smoldered yellow. Sam’s mouth twisted into a hideous smile.

Dean squeezed his eyes shut, held his breath, and pulled as hard as he could. The tie slipped loose and he fell forward, his eyes popping open as he tumbled to his knees. He looked around, his chest heaving. He was back in the Ikea store. Alone. He stood and looked around the darkened room.

“Cas,” he called, his voice echoing through the space. He remembered coming in to see what was taking so long. Whatever was going on, he still needed to find his friend. “Cas!”

“Dean,” came the breathy answer, just behind him. Dean spun around to see Cas tied up where he’d just been, arms behind his back, pinned against the armoire. Someone was crouched before Cas, blocking Dean’s view of what he was pretty sure was going on below the waist.

He tried to move forward, but felt as if his feet were frozen in place. “Cas, are you hurt? What’s going on?” The angel avoided looking at him. Dean could see a pink flush travel up Cas’s chest and face. “Cas? Talk to me, buddy. How do we get out of this?”

“It’s okay, Dean. I can handle this. Just let me-” His stubbled jaw clenched.

Dean balled his hands into fists, tried to move forward. “Handle what? Did you break the vase?”

Cas squinted his eyes shut, shaking his head. “No- yes-”

Using all his strength, Dean was able to drag his right foot forward about two inches. He had to stop and catch his breath from the effort. “What are we up against here, man? Tell me what to do!”

Finally Cas looked up, met his eyes. “One of us has to ejaculate, Dean, or we both die. I agreed to this. I can-” His voice cut off again as the sensations overwhelmed him.

“Enough,” Dean growled. “Let him go, whatever you are. Take me.”

The figure kneeling in front of Cas suddenly stood and turned. It appeared to be another Cas copy. Then Dean noticed the blue sweater, and remembered. “Misha,” he said with disdain.

“Very good guess, Deanie-weenie,” he answered, wiping his mouth on the sleeve of the sweater. “And regarding your noble offer, I accept.”

“No!” Cas begged, his arms still bound behind his back. “We had a deal, let him go!”

Misha turned back and forth, looking from Dean to Cas with a sly smirk. “You two are just so fucking selfless, it’s adorable. I choose…” he pointed a finger back and forth as if playing eenie-meenie-miney-moe. “Both,” he decided.

Suddenly Dean could move his feet, and he ran toward Cas, who was tugging the cobalt blue tie off his wrists. Dean cupped the angel’s face in his hands, looking him over, triple checking to see if he was okay, if he was really Cas.

“Better hurry up,” Misha teased. “You’ll both drop dead if you don’t finish by sunrise. And by finish, I mean…”

“Yeah, yeah, we get it,” Dean cut him off. “Now how about some privacy?”

“That was not part of our deal,” Misha laughed. “But now that you mention it.” In a flash, Dean found himself in a new location, completely naked. He quickly covered himself. He felt soft carpet beneath his feet. Rows of padded chairs were set up facing them. He knew Cas was beside him, but his focus was on who was in front of them. The seats was filled with familiar faces. Sheriff Donna was in the front row, sharing a bucket of popcorn with Jody. Behind them sat Kevin, slurping from a paper cup through a straw. Further down, Becky was with her vampire boyfriend. She rested her head on his shoulder while he rubbed her belly, his pointed fingernails catching the light.

“Claire?” Came Cas’s horrified voice. True enough, Claire was in the crowd, tossing back a box of sour candies.

Dean tore his gaze away before he recognized anyone else. Around the edges of the room, large flower arrangements were set on stands. Instrumental music filtered through speakers. It was a funeral home. Behind him, where the casket should be, was the Ikea bed. He turned to Cas. “It’s like a nightmare, right?”

Cas met his eyes, then looked away sadly. “If that is how you see it, I suppose so.”

“No, you big idiot,” Dean lifted the angel’s chin with his finger. “I mean, performance anxiety. Like doing a book report. We just gotta block ‘em out.”

“Block them out?” A spark of mischief flickered through Castiel’s azure blue eyes. “That, I can handle.”

A spark went through the room, like blue lightning. Dean startled back, until he realized the source. It was Cas. He was forcing his wings into view, and the disturbance was like an electrical storm. He could just see the outline of them now, great black shapes that loomed up on either side of Cas.

[ ](http://nikapics.tumblr.com/post/142094980579/god-this-sucker-took-ages-second-entry-for)

Before Dean could process what was happening, he found himself flung backwards onto the bed. He felt the slide of Cas’s warm, firm body over his own. He glanced around nervously, only to discover that they were completely shielded from view by Cas’s dark wings. That alone was enough to push him to the brink.

Cas slid their cocks together, looking down at Dean with a strange mix of power and tenderness. “Do you enjoy that?” He sounded pleased, a little surprised.

“Yeah- yes,” Dean sputtered. He gripped onto Cas for dear life, his hips jerking up.

Cas puffed up his chest, and sparks shot through the air again. The shape of his wings spread and flexed around them. Dean came hard, his back arching up off the bed. It was too sudden for him to even be embarrassed about it. Cas was coming too then, and they grasped at one another, panting hard, the dark feathers shuddering all around their bodies. Everything began to fade to gray as the pleasure washed over Dean’s body and mind. He let his eyes fall shut as he relaxed.

Far away, someone was shouting for him. He heard the voice, distant and muffled. “Dean!”

He blinked open his eyes slowly, but didn’t move. There was a scuff of shoes, and Sam was kneeling over him. “Are you okay?” He turned Dean’s face this way and that, checking him for injuries.

“I’m fine, get off me.” Dean slapped Sam’s hands away, sitting up.

They looked over to Cas a few feet away, flat on his back, but his eyes were open. Dean stood and offered him a hand up. He felt himself smiling with relief as Cas got to his feet and brushed his coat smooth. They had made it.

Dean turned his triumphant smile to his brother, only to find Sam looking determinedly the other direction. “What’s the matter?” He looked at Cas, confused.

Sam was most definitely avoiding their eyes. “You guys… uh, have a good time?” He flailed his hand in Dean’s direction.

He felt it before he even looked down. The front of his pants were damp and sticky. A quick glance at Cas revealed the same.

Cas looked down at himself and frowned. He didn’t seem embarrassed so much as intrigued. “I wouldn’t classify the entire debacle as a ‘good time’ but everything did work out for the best,” he explained flatly.

Sam shook his head. “Great man, that’s all I need to know. Ever.” He turned and made his way toward the door.

“Hey,” Dean shouted after him. “We did what we had to do to survive. You weren’t there.” He started after his brother, then looked back toward Cas.

As he watched, Cas raised one hand toward the armoire, the one they had each been tied to. With barely a twitch, he exploded it into splinters. Then he turned and walked calmly past Dean. “That should do it,” he said.

Dean scrambled to follow, already half-hard in his jeans again.

**Author's Note:**

> April Fools! I am so, so sorry.
> 
> This is probably the worst thing I’ve ever written and I’m very proud of it. I do have other, better fics if you need to cleanse your palette after reading this.


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